Barre, Swimming and Gym Lingo Have Entered the Chat

Dear Body,

This week, I reintroduced Barre into my workout schedule.

I know some of you are wondering what that is, so—to save you the sidebar conversations and “asking for a friend” scenarios—let me explain it here.

Barre is a low-impact, full-body workout that combines elements of ballet, Pilates, yoga and strength training. It may look graceful and gentle, but do not be fooled. It is a surprisingly challenging workout that can leave you dripping in sweat.

I am also told that, “at our big age,” we need to pay more attention to maintaining muscle, balance and flexibility. They (the experts) say that as we age—and especially as our hormone levels change—women may experience muscle loss, joint stiffness and changes in bone strength.

Well, Barre may not stop the ageing process, but it allows me to work on strength, posture, balance and flexibility without placing too much impact on my joints.

Now you know why Barre entered the room.

Every Monday at midday, I have a Barre session with the ever-so-lovely trainer who was once a ballerina and now teaches ballet to children and a few adults.

She began learning more about Barre and its benefits when her ageing mum needed help rebuilding her mobility after an accident. Her mum is now in her eighties and still exercises, so clearly there is something worth learning there.

There is no need for me to belabour the benefits of Barre. Just believe me and join the bandwagon.

You do not need anything particularly fancy—just a little space, Wi-Fi and YouTube, and you are in.

I must warn you, however, that gracefulness does not arrive automatically. Apparently, you have to work at it.

I hate looking at myself in the mirror during these sessions because what I imagine I am doing gracefully and what I actually see in the mirror are two completely different things.

In my head, I am a ballerina.

In the mirror, I appear to be negotiating with gravity.

Fortunately, the instructor is incredibly sweet. She cheers us on and quietly corrects our posture without drawing unnecessary attention to the crisis unfolding in front of her.

Guess what else returned this week?

Swimming—my all-time favourite form of movement.

A heated, clean, semi-Olympic-sized pool with competitive swimmers training alongside me. What’s not to love?

There is something inspiring about sharing a pool with people who are faster than you—especially those swimmers who pull Michael Phelps-like moves. They glide silently through the water, execute graceful tumble turns and appear capable of swimming for hours without experiencing any form of respiratory distress.

Before you ask, let me put this out there: I do not do tumble turns.

I tap the wall, stop and physically turn myself around.

Yes, I know this costs me a few seconds, but that is still preferable to attempting a rubbish tumble turn and looking like a drunk whale in the pool.

No, thank you.

I have street credibility to protect.

Some things, if you did not learn them as a child, you should simply leave alone and let them be.

So, how did I do?

Great, actually.

I swam 1,025 metres—41 lengths of the pool—at an average pace of 2 minutes and 33 seconds per 100 metres.

I am very proud of those statistics. If you are a sub-two-minute swimmer, please move quietly to the corner. I will meet you there in a couple of months.

Why am I so proud?

When I returned to sporadic swimming in 2024, my pace was around 3 minutes and 20 seconds per 100 metres. I could barely complete 600 metres, and after every swim, I would be panting like an antelope that had narrowly escaped becoming a lion’s dinner.

So yes, I am proud of my progress.

I have also discovered that good technique and proper breathing go a long way towards improving both endurance and speed in the pool. If you would like to start swimming for exercise, it may be worth investing in a lesson—or four—to learn the basics properly.

And so that you do not call me a fraud if you ever see me swimming, I should confess that I use hand paddles and swim mostly freestyle. Both have helped me improve my speed.

I gave up trying to become a fast breaststroke swimmer. Breaststroke also introduced me to something called breaststroker’s knee, and that is pain I do not need at my big age.

So, why do I love swimming?

Swimming works nearly every major muscle group at once.

Very efficient.

Also extremely inconsiderate—especially to my appetite, which emerges from the pool convinced that we have just swum all the way from Nairobi to Bogotá and deserve to eat accordingly.

But that is a story for another day.

What else happened this week?

I completed two one-hour gym workouts, and I can now proudly say that I had both a leg day and an upper-body day.

I used to wonder what all the fuss about leg day was—until I was made to do 100 squats and lunges.

Yes, they made me do that.

With my knees.

Apparently, strengthening the muscles surrounding your knees can help support them. Sitting at home with my legs raised is not, in fact, a recognised strategy for building stronger knees.

Who knew?

And how could I forget? I also used some of those gym machines that have always looked so intimidating.

Leg day was when I was formally introduced to the adductor and abductor machines.

No, that is not a typo. Those are two different machines.

The adductor machine works the inner thighs by making you squeeze your legs together. The abductor machine works the outer thighs and hips by making you push them apart.

Fun, right?

No.

Just stress, followed by aching muscles. You know that saying, “No pain, no gain”? My muscles appear to have taken it personally. Actual knee or joint pain, however, is not something I intend to push through.

Needless to say, I walked out of the gym with my head held slightly higher. I almost found myself rolling my eyes at the newcomers who looked lost among the machines.

Not me this week.

I am learning gym lingo—and loving it.

So, how many kilos have I lost?

Zero.

Absolutely zero.

How is that even possible? You have all seen the progress in the movement department, right?

Dear Body, what more do you need from me now?

Eish!

Yours—moving everything except the scale, Me

Week Six at a Glance

This week, my feet clocked 53,884 steps—an average of 7,698 a day, or 77% of my daily 10,000-step goal.

So yes, the walking numbers dipped from last week. Apparently, introducing more activities does not automatically introduce more steps.

Friday was my strongest walking day, with 11,124 steps—the only day I crossed the 10,000-step finish line.

But the movement department was hardly closed for business.

On Monday, I negotiated with gravity at Barre. Tuesday brought leg day, Wednesday brought 1,025 metres of swimming, and Friday brought another gym session.

Four structured workouts. Goal achieved.

And that swim deserves its own little celebration: 41 lengths at an average pace of 2 minutes and 33 seconds per 100 metres. Compared with the breathless 600 metres I could barely manage back in 2024, I will happily take that progress.

• Total steps: 53,884
• Average daily steps: 7,698
• Average daily step goal achieved: 77%
• Days reaching 10,000 steps: One
• Barre sessions: One
• Swimming: 1,025 metres—41 lengths
• Average swim pace: 2:33 per 100 metres
• Gym workouts: Two
• Total structured workouts: Four
• Kilos lost: Zero

More variety. Better swimming. New gym vocabulary.

The scale remains unavailable for comment.